


Anything But Predictable | Chapter 1

by alltimefail01



Series: Anything But Predictable (Zalex, 13rw) [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Bullying, Canon Ableist/Homophobic/Hateful language, Canon Disabled Character, Drama & Romance, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post Season 2, Recovery, References to Canon, discussion of sexuality, possible sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 04:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15700368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltimefail01/pseuds/alltimefail01
Summary: As the weather heats up and school comes to an end for summer vacation, Zach Dempsey and Alex Standall decide they are going to make sure that this summer will be different than the last-they're going to make the most of it before the start of their senior year.Between late-nights at Alex's house, long drives in Zach's car, adventures around town, road-trips, friendships, and honest conversations, two boys find that life has a way of drawing two people together in the best way, at the best time, exactly when they need it.





	Anything But Predictable | Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: This story will reference many of the tough topics talked about in 13 Reasons Why. This is including (but not limited to) Alex's suicide attempt, the trial against Bryce Walker, sexual assault, bullying, cursing/language, and much of the current conflict surrounding Tyler Down. If this content is triggering in any way to you, please keep that in mind before reading this story!  
> \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
>  _This is my first ongoing ("chaptered") Zach Dempsey and Alex Standall fic. I am really excited to share this with you guys, as I've been working on it for a few weeks now. This should be updated on a weekly basis, so stay tuned!_
> 
> I hope you all enjoy! Please comment and give *kudos* if you enjoy it!  
> P.S. --> You can also check this story out on my WattPad account HERE: https://www.wattpad.com/story/158688717-anything-but-predictable-zalex-13rw

_Gunshots._

Zach shot up from his bed, sweat pouring down his forehead as he tried to un-see the nightmare that had been burned in his brain for days after the spring dance. He'd been having the same series of nightmares every night, getting more vivid and realistic each time they played in his head. They always started out the same, always ended the same, yet would also find a way to incorporate something new and terrifying somewhere in the middle of it all. They never failed to leave Zach feeling helpless and disoriented, momentarily convinced that the events did, in fact, take place, making his soul feel detached from his own body and making tears well up in his already sleepy, cloudy eyes. Without hesitation, he reached for his phone and quickly texted the only person he ever texted anymore—Alex Standall.

Zach knew that their relationship was different than Clay and Justin's, Ryan and Courtney's, hell even Jessica and Nina's. It wasn't a normal friendship, but how could it be? Zach constantly reassured himself that it didn't come together by normal circumstances, so there would obviously be some differences. However, even he had a hard time deciphering through the thoughts about Alex that sometimes entered his mind, especially within the last month-or-so. After composing a series of disoriented texts, he let his mind drift to that day in the locker room when Alex showed... physical evidence that maybe there was something more there between them. Zach had never let himself indulge in that complex problem, mostly because Zach knew how big of a fuck-up he was when it came to relationships, but he couldn't deny the tension that ran through his whole body and the heat which worked its way from his neck and into his cheeks as he recalled the look in Alex's eyes when they exchanged shy glances. He felt breathless all over again and like his heart was just going to burn through his skin, like he could unravel at any moment. Zach loved so hard and so furiously but couldn't articulate those feelings into action. Perhaps it was because of the secrets he loved to keep—he was so used to keeping things his so that they would never be taken away, never be made fun of, and never be judged or attached to any level of shame. Zach felt like a coward, and he feared that would never change.

Before he could completely get lost in his own thought, he was jolted back to reality by the eccentric buzzing of his phone:

_3 texts from **Alex ******_

********

********

_2 missed calls from **Alex ******_

********

********

Zach quickly called Alex back, who answered the phone right at the end of the first ring.

"Zach! Shit, I've been trying to get ahold of you for like, the last 5 minutes is everything okay?"

Zach laughed nervously, trying to cover up the obvious uneasiness in his own hoarse voice, "Yeah um... sorry if I scared you man I'm—"

"You texted me something about gunshots Zach... not exactly a way to not scare me..." Zach wanted to curl up into his bed and evaporate: how stupid could he be? He panickily opened his messages to see what all he said when he first woke up, but was interrupted by a frantic Alex when he didn't respond quick enough to Alex's questions.

"Dempsey, what the fuck? Do you want to come over here? You're actually freaking me out right now man." There was underlying pain and worry laced in between Alex's words, which Zach caught almost immediately. He cleared his throat and pulled together as much of a response as he could, considering everything that was racing through his mind.

"Yes, definitely yes... if that's like, cool with your parents."

In the split second of silence, Zach could literally feel Alex's eye-roll on the other end of the line, "Dude, they're asleep. They won't care, they love you anyway. Just come to my window, it's unlocked already."

Zach stood up, already throwing on a hoodie, gym shorts, and a pair of slides as he responded with a simple, "On my way."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zach pulled his car up to the Standall house, parking on the street and getting out as quickly as his numb body would allow him to. The ride there was short, and he left his windows down on the way there in hopes that the cool breeze from the clear night would help him to de-clutter the mess of thoughts surging within his mind. However, the silence of the world around him just seemed to intensify the volume of his inner demons. The images of his nightmares played over and over, so to combat them Zach would try and focus on the good times between him and Alex, only to be filled with fear because he wanted to protect Alex but on nights like this he couldn't help feeling like the one who needed to be protected.

He carefully maneuvered his way through the familiar driveway he'd walked so many times before, reaching Alex's window after only a few seconds. Sure enough, the window was unlocked and slightly ajar just as Alex said it would be. Zach gently pushed on the glass and knocked on the window frame: a simple little drum-bit that Alex would recognize from one of his favorite Joy Division songs. He heard a sleepy laugh in return from Alex, so he figured it was safe to climb through.

Once inside, Zach closed the window and latched it, then turned to see Alex half asleep, smirking at him with a certain level of empathy that Alex Standall, the king of sarcasm, rarely shared with anyone seriously. He simply patted the mattress next to him, and Zach took a seat without hesitation.

Alex wore nothing but a pair of plaid, loose-fitting boxers and a thin, old band t-shirt that drooped just enough around the neckline to expose a bit of his collarbone. Zach swallowed as he felt their closeness, something that seemed to be increasingly distracting to him lately. He allowed his eyes to take one more once-over of the smaller man, only to regret it as he realized that Alex's shirt was disheveled just above the waistline of his boxers, exposing soft skin that made Zach's own skin feel hot and cold at the same time.

"So, what's going on Zach? I'm glad you're here and all that, but you texted me some crazy shit. Care to like... help me understand?" Alex looked exhausted, physically and mentally. The events of the last couple of months had undeniably taken a toll on him, perhaps to a heavier capacity than some of the others. Alex was friends with Tyler, and he was cheated on by Jessica, and he had just started remembering all the stuff that happened with the tapes and Hannah... it made Zach feel guilty and childish for saying anything and even guiltier knowing he was sitting in Alex's bedroom keeping him awake over a nightmare when he probably needed rest now more than ever.

Zach ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "It's... actually really stupid. It was just like, a nightmare. I've been having them every night since..." he trailed off and clenched his jaw, not wanting to relive the realities of the events that happened at the dance or replay the fears of his nightmares which portrayed the gruesome truth of what could have happened if Clay weren't there to intervene like he always does. Because Clay isn't a coward, and Clay doesn't let people hurt. Clay always has a plan, and he always fixes literally everything. He treated Tyler like shit after everything and he couldn't help but feel so much guilt and...

"That's not stupid, Zach. Do you um... want to talk about it?" Alex propped himself up a bit more, placing a hand tentatively on Zach's slumped shoulders. His eyes pleaded with Zach to talk more, to break the wall down for once, but Zach didn't know exactly how to formulate all his confusion and sadness into words, and even if he could there was a larger part of him that knew once the words were spoken, there was no going back... they would be truth, and truth is scarier than nightmares and all the speculation in the world sometimes.

"It really was just a nightmare, okay? I didn't want to be alone, I just overreacted. Look, Alex, you've been through a lot lately and I think..."

Alex continued, interrupting Zach abruptly. "We always talk about my bullshit!" Zach watched as Alex's exasperated features were accentuated in the dim night light filling the room: he felt Alex's fingers tense up and watched as Alex averted eye contact for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "For fucks-sake Zach, I just want to help you for once instead of feeling like this useless, damaged person who everyone is afraid will break at any minute." Alex squeezed Zach's shoulder reassuringly, pulling him slightly closer and forcing him to look into his eyes as he said, "You've never treated me like I'm broken, Dempsey... you can't start now. You don't get to climb into my window at 3 a.m., hang birthday banners for me at school, teach me how to slow dance in my bedroom and all these great things while deciding that you can't talk to me about anything real and negative and difficult—but make me do that. It's just not fair."

Zach tentatively reached one hand up toward his shoulder and placed his own hand on top of Alex's in a split second of bravery. When Alex didn't pull away, Zach could've let go in that moment, leaning into it as a distraction away from the pain and melt into a million soft and raw feelings, but instead he simply said, "I'm really sorry Alex. I don't want you to feel like I'm treating you differently, but honestly you are different to me. I don't want to do anything that will upset you or screw up what we have."

Alex nodded, so Zach continued explaining his thoughts. "I've been having these nightmares about the dance. I feel so much guilt and I'm just scared. Things keep popping up in my life, threatening all the people that I care about. I've watched so many people lose everything, and with losing my dad in the car accident, watching Hannah suffer for all that time and allowing her to slip into that place when I think I could have done something, and then almost losing you—" his voice cracked a bit on the thought of Alex in the hospital after his suicide attempt, and how helpless Zach felt watching him suffer and not being able to do anything about it. "Almost losing you back then, just to feel this fear about losing you all over again because of all that fucked up stuff that happened that night... I can't move on. I know it probably sounds lame and pathetic, but I'm so scared and pissed off. I'm pissed off at Justin and Jess; I'm pissed off at Clay for going out there but also pissed that I didn't do it myself; I'm pissed at how hard I was on Tyler when I had no fucking clue what he was going through; I'm pissed because Jess hurt you, and Justin hurt you, and I know you deserve better than that and I should've known that she would hurt you." Zach could feel heat burning in his gut, fire coursing through every vein in his body. His eyes were welling with tears all over again as he tried to come down to earth, realizing that he had stood in that time and got into a rhythm of nervous pacing. He sighed, fury replaced by pain, "All of that scares me. That night... that night changed things, just when I thought maybe things would start to be okay, you know? And honestly, I can't stop thinking about how fucked up that is, and how I would've been destroyed if something would have happened to anyone, especially you. It all replays in my head and I don't know how to make it all stop and I'm so, so sorry."

Zach felt like maybe he'd said too much. Alex looked speechless like he was contemplating the world's most difficult math problem, yet still managed to look so beautiful at the same time. Alex was like a piece of art at a museum that could only be admired from afar. Alex's face twisted in a way that didn't portray any degree of anger, but something vulnerable that was saved only for Zach. Alex was the type of person that normally leaned on impulse: he never weighed his words, almost never gave any warning before erupting into disaster, but he was different with Zach; there was understanding and patience when it came to Zach. Alex never wanted to hurt his best friend, pain-in-the-butt PT helper and greatest supporter, so he weighed everything Zach said with careful consideration, ensuring he would not react out of fear (even though he was terrified of the idea that Zach was slipping into a dark place) or out of impulse, trying to fix the problem before letting Zach finish his own thoughts.

After what felt like days to Zach, Alex finally responded. "That's not stupid, Zach. It would be stupid if you didn't care about all that shit. You can talk about it, all of it. I want to help you." Zach nodded sheepishly, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders for the first time in days. He took a seat next to Alex again, muttering apologies for allowing himself to unravel. Zach suffered with demons that he never even thought to speak about, not at home or school and especially not to Alex, even though he had become Zach's truest friend. Zach had always been someone surrounded by people, but Alex was remarkably different than everyone else because he felt safe to be himself around Alex; he came close to feeling that way with Hannah, but they just didn't have enough time because Zach cut the chord so short out of fear. Fear is what consistently draws Zach farther away from the truth, and what makes him scared to take Alex's hand in his, even right now when their fingers are just centimeters away from touching. Fear is what keeps Zach from sleeping next to Alex when he stays over, too scared that Alex's body close to his would be all too much, and that he would lean into the impulse to act on secret thoughts, secret emotions, secret temptations that he'd only felt once before.

Zach Dempsey, contrary to the belief of the rest of the world, was not an experienced guy in the areas of romance and sex like Justin Foley; he did not see himself as smart and intuitive and problem-solving like Clay Jensen; he wasn't strong, domineering or brave like Tony or Sherri; no part of him was extraordinary or poetic like Hannah; and he certainly wasn't creative, impulsive, passionate, or witty like Alex. Zach couldn't define himself and fit a mold like Courtney or Ryan could, and love is something that intrigued and intimidated him in every way. Zach felt lonely, and lonely became the biggest part of his person, especially since he started high school. He allowed loneliness to swallow him and captivate him, romancing him with twisted tongues and lies and fear. He asked his mom what she would do if he felt like Hannah did, and she didn't react well, but the reality is that he did feel like Hannah sometimes. Maybe that's why he and Hannah had cliqued so well at a time when they both needed each other, and maybe that's partially why he and Alex understood each other in ways no one else could...even though Zach knew there was so much more with Alex than just that common ground. In many ways, Zach needed someone to pull him from this place—he just felt guilty that he was putting that on Alex.

"I can leave if you want to get some sleep... I don't want to keep you up."

"You can stay, Zach. I'd prefer it if you stayed."

They sat in comfortable silence: it was 4 am and Zach didn't feel tired whatsoever. Sitting next to Alex sent a jolt of adrenaline through his entire body. He watched his sleepy friend stretch his arms up. Zach let his eyes shift just slowly enough to take him in again, instinctively. He watched Alex's shirt drift upward, revealing just a touch more skin with every move he made: he noted the small freckles splashed about, and how soft and beautiful Alex's skin looked. Zach only ever got to see Alex shirtless at PT, but that was different: he never saw Alex with his shirt off in the dark, in his bed, in such a vulnerable and raw closeness. Zach felt his heartbeat increase, he didn't even think of how obvious his stares were at the time, because he couldn't push himself to look away and he wanted to let his imagination wander but then...

Alex noticed.

Zach's face turned cherry red: he could feel his palms becoming moist as he fidgeted his fingers against the bed sheet, wanting to look anywhere but into Alex's eyes. He had to think fast in this moment, dancing around the obvious and hoping Alex would take whatever ridiculous excuse that came from the panicked corners of his mind and just roll with it. He cleared his throat and looked at Alex pointedly, "I'm really proud of all the progress you're making from PT, man."

Alex raised an eyebrow, trying to hide the slight smirk playing on his lips. He was clearly not convinced with Zach's cover-up, but Zach smiled a big, goofy grin at him, one that was awkward and nervous and pleading for Alex to accept his response. In his own embarrassment, he didn't even see the blush growing in Alex's cheeks.

"Are you tired? I really do feel kind of bad for like, coming into your window and interrupting your sleeping..."

"I definitely wasn't sleeping so you're all good, dude. Seriously. Come into my window any time you want. I like the company; my parents have been sleeping since like... 9:30. It's too quiet around here."

"Why weren't you sleeping?" Zach tended to worry about Alex all the time. He constantly checked in with him, making sure he was eating, getting enough water, coming to PT and pushing himself. Alex always reacted the same way, seemingly annoyed and all too dramatic, but Zach didn't care because he knew he loved Alex and wanted nothing but to see him happy and healthy. He loved Alex.

"I've been thinking a lot lately, about stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Zach's voice became serious and entangled within his words was a silent please be okay and I'm worried, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. Alex knew this voice all too well, so he reassured Zach as best as he could.

"It's not like... bad stuff. It's just all the same stuff you've been worried about I guess. To be honest, the stuff with Tyler was fucked up but like... nothing happened, you know? I'm not really thinking about that as much as I am about the other stuff."

"The other stuff like Jess and Justin?" Zach's voice came across shaky, and a little cold.

"Yeah, and stuff with you." That made Zach nervous.

"Stuff... with me?" He turned toward Alex, confusion and fear taking all joy from his normally soft expression. "Alex, I didn't do anything to hurt you, right? You can tell me because I never want to hurt you."

"No, shit, no... that's the thing you're just like... so nice to me, and I care about you. And I'm sorry about how mad I was at literally everyone after the dance. You didn't deserve that."

Zach recalled how upset Alex had been for days—so upset in fact that he didn't speak to anyone, including Zach. Zach couldn't function because his mind was consumed with visions of an unstable, impulsive Alex—one that would surely blame himself and isolate from the rest of the world, letting red-hot anger and destruction take a toll on anything in his path. He would stop in every day and beg Alex's mom to update him, secretly, on how Alex was doing. When Alex texted him after that minor hiatus, Zach felt as if he could breathe again for the first time, and he didn't even ask questions or push Alex to talk about it like he normally would have, which in retrospect he kind of regretted now that he's hearing Alex reference it all over again.

"Hey man, don't worry about it. I would've been pissed off, too. That was wrong of Jess, and shitty of Justin. I'm just so glad you're okay..."

"In a weird way, I'm kind of glad Jess did what she did because it really made me think about some stuff."

"You weren't mad?"

"Not really."

"Oh, um... well, that's good. You guys are still friends, right?"

"Yeah, we're cool. I realized that I didn't really like... see her that way. Once I found out I was hurt, sure, but I was also sort of relieved in a way. I didn't have to lie to myself anymore. I know it was awkward for you, finding them and all, but I'm glad you told me. You're the only one who treats me like a normal person."

"I saw you guys at the dance, it really looked like you felt that way about her. I'm sorry it didn't work out. You deserve to be happy with someone if that's what you want, Alex." Zach sounded jealous because, in a weird way, he was. He thought about the conversation he had with Justin that night, sitting on the other side of the room and just watching Alex and Jessica awkwardly shuffle about, making small talk. Zach could see it written all over Jess's face that she just wasn't into Alex that way, but Alex... he looked happy, a kind of happy that Zach wanted Alex to only feel around him because he was just selfish like that probably. He wanted Alex Standall all to himself so that he could keep him from pain, from lies, from all the bullshit that comes with being in high school. Alex deserved someone who wanted all of him, the parts of him that were there before—the music, the mystery, the sarcasm, quick wit, and charm—but also the parts that changed about him mentally and physically after all the horrible things he'd gone through. Alex needed someone who loved so much when he was good, but who took the time to choose to love him, even more, when things weren't so good; someone who could act as a buffer between Alex and himself, Alex and the world, Alex and his recovery, Alex and all the people who he let his guard down around for them only to hurt him.

"I don't like Jess, and I'm really okay with it not working out with us. I just want her to be happy. Thanks, Dempsey. You deserve to be happy too." Alex shook his head, mostly to himself as he contemplated his next move. He hesitantly added, "I never got to really use those dance lessons you gave me though, which sucks. It was truly a shitty night."

Both boys laughed, breaking some of the tension emanating in the room from the heavy conversations of the night. Zach smiled sweetly at Alex, "Yeah, those were some quality lessons. Shame you couldn't put them to good use."

"It wouldn't have been the same, dancing with Jess or anyone else."

There was silence again, but this time neither boy looked away. Zach's throat was suddenly dry, his mouth unable to force out the words he'd been thinking for so long. He thought of the wall he'd built in his mind and how he'd put careful thought into its stability and who could see through it. However, in this very moment, Zach wanted nothing more than to take a god-damn sledgehammer and destroy the wall, foregoing the "what-ifs," and let someone in.

He wanted to be okay with wanting Alex Standall.

He wanted Alex Standall to want him back.

"Why?" Zach finally formulated a one-word, three-letter statement that hung in the air for only a second before Alex looked away from his gaze. He became flustered at Zach's question, something so simple would seem easy to respond to on the surface, but Zach had no idea what kind of door he was opening.

Alex closed his eyes, thinking about Zach's body pressed against his in the locker room, trying to calm him down; he holds back a shiver as he thinks about Zach's mouth, close to his ear during PT, saying sweet and encouraging reassurances to him and wishing that his mouth would say other things, would do other things and he feels suddenly hot everywhere. He thinks about he and Zach dancing in his room, and how he has listened to the song they danced to on repeat since that moment. He was scared to open his eyes because it occurred to him that this moment could evaporate, much like Zach's nightmares, and he may open his eyes to emptiness—he wanted Zach to always be there so badly it ripped him apart some nights.

Forcing himself to face reality, Alex opened his eyes and sighed, relieved that Zach was still sitting there. He was still looking at Alex with those dark-brown, gorgeous eyes. He studied Zach's face carefully, noticing the faint worry lines from raising his eyebrows in concern one too many times. His bottom lip was just slightly chapped from small, nervous bites that Zach left when he was deep in his own mind and his jaw clenched like it was carefully and meticulously locked so only the right things would exit, while all the more challenging, difficult things Zach wanted to say stayed safely tucked away inside. Alex secretly wished he had Zach's level of self-control and wondered how much time the taller boy put into creating this perfect, cool version of himself. He also couldn't help but want to unlock the floodgates and drown in all the thoughts and feelings that Zach Dempsey never shared with anyone else.

Alex pushed Zach playfully, retorting in his normal sarcasm, "I mean, you set the bar pretty high. You're so tall I can just like, lean on you and shit. Unless a six-foot girl walks into Liberty, I'm pretty much screwed I guess, so thanks for that Dempsey. I only know how to dance with giants now."

Zach immediately relaxed, laughing with his whole body at Alex's response. If Alex were a betting guy, he'd say that there was a small twinge of something else in Zach's eyes, but he pushed it aside and chalked that up to his own wishful thinking.

Zach responded playfully, "So sorry, dude..." and followed that by a yawn. Alex also yawned, feeling the weight of his own exhaustion finally settling in. He shuffled under the covers and looked at his phone sitting on his bedside table.

"Shit, it's almost 5 a.m. We should probably get some sleep if you're okay with that?"

"Oh, definitely. I'm pretty tired, too..." Zach started to get up and head to the floor as he normally would, but Alex grabbed his arm to stop him before he could even swing his legs over the edge of the bed.

"It's cool if you stay up here, it's a lot more comfortable than the floor."

Zach was taken off guard at first by this, but quickly shook off the shock he felt and replaced it with secret excitement and a little twinge of contentment. He only could manage a shy smile and a simple, "Sure" before he adjusted one of Alex's pillows and joined his friend under the covers, completely embracing the feeling of being so close, if only for tonight.

"See you in the morning, Standall. Don't think I'm going to take it easy on you in PT tomorrow."

Alex laughed, shrugging off Zach's comment with a simple, "We'll just have to see about that, Dempsey."

Both boys drifted off to sleep, peacefully, for what felt like the first time in a long time. They allowed thoughts of hot sunny days, long nights of video games and moments like this; only one more week and then they were free from Liberty High School and on summer break. Alex indulged in the thought of sweet drinks from Monet's with Zach, and Zach thought of all the movies he would make Alex see at the Crestmont and all the secret places he could show his friend that he'd never shown anyone before. Most of all, they looked forward to the unlimited, uninterrupted company of each other—no worries of school dances, relationships, or court cases—and that was enough to keep the nightmares from reappearing in Zach's mind.


End file.
